my brief escape.
our best work together.
Part of what I wrote in his “guest log”. I love reading through and seeing what we put down on previous years.
His picture of Nan hanging in the living room.
The one that gave me my love of the ocean (even if it was the Atlantic)
& told me, “you were born with sand between your toes”.
September 25, 2011
On Friday night I had an incredible meal at The Melting Pot with my sister and her husband Seth. We ate and drank for almost four hours straight. HEAVEN. These two have been married for two years now & together for over ten. It’s amazing to see people that can stay together. I don’t really believe in marriage, or people staying together, or high school sweethearts (cynical, yes) but these two are the fucking exception.
Today in the car we were talking about first dates and how you know whether that person is worth investing your time and energy. She was driving and got this goofy ass smile all over her face and said, “I just kept thinking, this guy is the coolest kid I’ve ever known. I’m never going to date anyone like this again.” It wasn’t about the lust or the attraction, it was about the fact that this kid was her best friend. You can see it in how they talk to each other, how they play and have inside jokes. It’s beautiful. Also Seth might be the handiest human being I’ve ever known. He’s like Bear Grylls and shit… He brings a lot to the table.
I knew they were going to get married from the moment they started dating in high school & this is why — One summer, they were on a date in a park in my hometown. Chelsea came home super upset because she lost one of her favorite rings in the creek. She actually wasn’t sure where she lost it, but she was pretty sure it was long gone in this creek. The next day Seth showed up unexpectedly at the house with the ring. He told her that he spent the day with a friend and a bunch of nets going through the water… He found her fucking ring. No one has ever gone through an entire creek to find some piece of jewelry for me. If that isn’t love, I really have no idea what it is.
After we ate and drank so much that my sister puked roadside, it was time to hit the hay and prepare for our Spa trip on Saturday at the Grand Wailea. HOLY FUCK.
This might have been the best day of my life. First we spent an hour soaking in mineral baths, drinking the best tea i’ve ever tasted, and catching up. I felt like an easter egg in a yellow bath of pineapple and lemon grass. I was also terrified the entire time that I would break out in hives because of my severe food allergy to dyes. (amazingly, no hives) Next we sat in the sauna and annoyed everyone around us as we talked loudly and made inappropriate comments such as, “I’m sweating my fucking dick off.”
Most of the day we were surrounded by a few nasty naked old ladies, but other than that it was incredibly relaxing. Before our massage we were literally scrubbed down by this tiny asian woman. Normally I would think another human washing me with a loofah would be an uncomfortable experience, but I can’t say I hated it. The next hour of my life was spent receiving a full body massage. I’m pretty sure I made the woman completely uncomfortable as I moaned the entire time.
My body feels amazing. Bring it on world.
I’m ready to come home now.
I’m ready to get on the plane in two days.
I’m ready to throw some things away, to clean out what’s under my bed.
I’m ready to change my cell phone number.
I’m ready to walk my dog and hug her hard.
I’m ready to pack my things as soon as I unpack my luggage.
I’m ready for the smell of my car.
I’m ready to take my little brother on a drive & ask him how he’s been.
I’m ready work with the little guys, to make them laugh really hard.
I’m ready to wear a sweater instead of a bikini.
I’m ready to sleep next to something other than a pile of pillows.
I’m ready to make a campfire.
I’m ready to see my family.
I’m ready to see my other family, the gayer one.
I’m ready for kisses, forehead ones included.
I’m ready for a new pair of shoes, to wear them out in new places.
I’m ready to give up that ache.
I’m ready for cold nights and warm hands.
I’m ready for this blonde to fade out, slowly.
I’m ready to go back to visit my north philadelphia kids.
I’m ready to sit out back with Jesse and have a beer.
I’m ready for the big picture, not just a bunch of little ones.
I’m ready for those Sunday morning coffees with my mom.
I’m ready for the Atlantic ocean this time around.
I’m ready to sleep through a night without waking up.
I’m ready to catch up, can we catch up?
I’m ready for my dad to say, “There’s my girl.”
Fall always feels like a fresh start.
Never January, never at the countdown.
Only when I smell the leaves.
A reason to wear a dress tonight. Expect a more exciting post tomorrow :)
September 23, 2011.
I’m trying to pick up where I left off, but as usual… I’m not quite sure where that is.
I’ve spent the last few days working with my sister at her elementary school. King Kamehameha is completely underfunded and understaffed. It reminds me of many schools and programs in Philadelphia that I’ve visited or taught in…. Regardless of their financial setbacks, they do an amazing job with the kids. First of all, I really don’t know how anyone shows up to work or school when they live in a place like this. Second of all, my sister makes me want to cry with how incredible she is as a teacher. She loves those little guys so much and you can read it on her face and hear it in her voice every day. I love that I come from a family of teachers and nurses, people that give of themselves every day regardless of the money they make. It’s refreshing to come home to.
I spent two days working with small groups of 3-4 students. We planted bean seeds and painted watercolor paintings. (I’ll attach my picture. I’m a phenomenal artist.) I also got to play the role of gym teacher today, which was funny for a variety of reasons. (GAYEST ever, know nothing about sports, extremely un-athletic, etc…)
Anyway, I made some great friends. Yes, eight-year-old friends. I feel like little kids really get people. They know as soon as they meet you if you’re an asshole or not… and they’ll tell you. The younger they are, the more straight up they are. I wanted to steal about half of them and raise them as my own. Most were way cooler than my actual children will be, the little blonde boys being pro surfers and all… I got a big group hug today from all 24 of them and it made up for the lack of hugs I’ve been getting all week. (You need five hugs a day to be happy… FYI).
Visiting the school and working at Tabor all summer has helped to further restore my faith in the educational system. Regardless of the flaws, I love it. I love to share my nerdy enthusiasm for all things English related. More than anything, I love the stability that comes along with teachers. I love that students know you’ll show up and be there for them everyday. I want to be that stability, that foundation.
It all makes me miss Tree House books so much. I need to attend their Life With Books celebration and catch up with the program.
My sister brought me a ukelele yesterday.
I sat out on the porch & played this afternoon.
It reminds me of the good old nights with Lisa Nwankwo <3
September 20, 2011
This time next week I’ll be sitting down to my last family meal.
I’ll watch my last sunset.
I’ll have my bags packed and sitting out in the car.
I can’t believe how fast this is going.
I feel like my brain and body both have so much to do in the next six days.
The last two days have felt like a punch in the stomach quickly followed by a kiss on the forehead.
I drove to Wailuku yesterday and this morning. Wailuku is halfway around the island and about an hour drive. (Check out the map!) It was nice to be able to drive around the island since I normally walk or bike anywhere I need to go. Mark had a follow up cardiology appointment, but after an x-ray they found fluid (blood from the surgery) in both of his lungs. He told me they were considering flying him to Oahu, which scared me. I know how much he wants to improve and I knew a trip back to that hospital would set him back emotionally. Luckily, the doctors said we could come back the next morning and remove the fluid here on the island.
The drive home was completely silly. He kept cursing over the fact that he isn’t allowed to go fishing, ride his bike or lift weights. His exact words were, “I’ll bench press a fucking submarine if I want to!” We then got into a deep discussion regarding what would happen if we were in WW3 and If we had to pick 5 people to fight with us who would they be. (I believe this is an important life saving scenario for all of you to consider.) My list so far includes Bruce Springsteen, Bruce Willis, and Wayne Michener… the last two spots are up for grab if you’d like to apply…
Today, we drove back to the hospital at the ass crack of dawn. This is the first time I’ve set an alarm since my flight out of Philadelphia. I’ve also been living off decaf coffee, so I was not a happy camper. When we got to the hospital my Uncle and I had to wait outside because they weren’t open yet. He devised a game where he would nudge me once if the nurse that walked by was acceptable looking, twice if she was hot, and four or more times if he wanted to bang her. (This reminded me of our “smush or no smush” bar game & I no longer wonder where my vulgarity comes from).
In the waiting room I received one more blow for the week. My dad called to tell me that my stepmom has skin cancer. I frequently say that if my dad and stepmom ever got divorced, I’d go with Carolyn… that should explain how much I love her. After talking to some friends I feel much more positive about the situation. I’m really happy to have people in my life that know me so well. They know exactly how I function/panic and they also know how to calm me down. This is no easy task and I love you for it.
(By the way this is my family, well half of it. & yes mayo & maggie are included.)
We drove back to Lahiana in silence. At one point, my Uncle turned to me and said, “It will all get better babe.” Most of the time, that’s all I need to hear.
The silver lining of the week- I am coming home to both my teaching certificate and a job at a preschool. It’s not exactly what I want, but I know I’m headed in the right direction. That’s the goal right now, direction. Things keep falling into my lap and I’m trying to remain as grateful as possible. This last month has been full of good timing and things I don’t deserve at all. I am lucky as hell at the moment and I hope things stay on this track.
At the end of the day, my head is still a complete mess. I came out here to feel confident in this person I’m becoming, but instead I continue to define myself in terms of past dilemmas and failures. This trip was meant to give me a clean slate and I’m really starting to wonder if that is ever possible. I don’t think people we’re meant to bury our choices and leave them on an island somewhere. I think we were meant to carry them proudly, even the times we fall short of our own expectations. I have to learn how to keep this chin up, like this was the way things were supposed to go.
six more days.
